Start Here
If you're overwhelmed, you're normal. Here's how to use this site based on where you are right now.
Where are you?
I'm...
Pregnant
Essentials, trimester guides, and the hospital bag list that nurses complimented.
I'm...
Postpartum
The survival list and recovery manual. This part is wildly under-discussed.
My baby...
Won't Sleep
The sleep stack and pause method. What actually worked for us.
I'm...
Overwhelmed
The kindness clause and minimum viable setup. You're not failing.
If you're pregnant
Congratulations! There's a lot to figure out, but you don't need most of it yet. Here's the order I'd suggest:
Start with:
- Pregnancy Essentials - Supplements, comfort items, the stuff that actually matters
- The Minimal Nursery List - Spoiler: you need way less than you think. The IKEA crib is better than the $700 one.
Then:
- The Hospital Bag List (Spa Vibes Edition) - LED candles, playlist, hand fan. Nurses commented on the vibe.
- Postpartum Survival System - Read this BEFORE you need it. Trust me.
Books worth your time:
- Expecting Better by Emily Oster - Data over panic headlines
- Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman - The "pause method" alone is worth it
If you're postpartum
Nobody talks about how hard this part is. I found it way harder than giving birth. Your hormones are a rollercoaster, your body is broken, and you're sleeping a few hours a day.
Go straight to:
- The Manual: Postpartum Survival System - The one investment I'd make again immediately? A postpartum doula.
Then:
- The Sleep Stack - Because you need sleep to function
- The Kindness Clause - You're allowed to feel two things at once
Quick tip
If you're breastfeeding and struggling, call a lactation consultant NOW. Don't wait. Evone Smith at New North is amazing.
If your baby won't sleep
I'm worthless (borderline monstrous) on no sleep, so I took this category personally. Forest was sleeping 9 hours a night at 2 months. Here's everything we did.
Read:
- Reid's Neurotic Baby List: The Sleep Stack - The pause method, weighted sleep sacks, blackout setup, and the formula tip
Then:
- The Manual: Nap Schedules by Age - We were flexible 30 mins on either side. Not perfect, just consistent.
The core principles:
- Daytime naps = adaptable. Night sleep = protected. Dark, cool, all the tricks.
- Use the pause method. 2-3 min for newborns, 5 min at 3-6mo, 10 min at 6mo+. Difficult in the moment. Unbelievably effective.
- Last feed = formula. More calorie dense. Helps them sleep longer.
- No bed-sharing for the long night sleep. Hard line for us.
If you're spiraling from internet noise
Everyone has opinions. Most of it is people repeating things they heard from other people who heard it from someone else. The panic headlines are constant. Here's how to cut through.
Read:
- The Kindness Clause - You're not failing, you're adapting. The duality is real.
Then:
- Resources: Parent Data - Emily Oster's site. Actual data, not rumors. Sign up.
To be a mother is to hold two directly opposing, strong desires at the same time. You will want nothing more than to be alone in a cold dark room, at the same time that you want your child snug in your arms. It's exhausting to navigate this duality. It does get easier with time, but it's always there.
Remember
Trust your instincts. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to other parents. This document reflects our opinions - but that doesn't make them gospel. Every family is different.
How to use this site
What you'll find here:
- Reid's Neurotic Baby List - Curated product picks and checklists by stage and topic
- The Manual - Step-by-step frameworks (sleep, feeding, postpartum, systems)
- Field Notes - Lived experience, what surprised us, what we returned
- The Kindness Clause - The emotional reality, not just the logistics
- Resources - Books, podcasts, experts we actually trust
- Shop - Everything linked in one place (affiliate links, disclosed)
What you won't find here:
- Fear-mongering
- Sanctimony
- "Good moms do X"
- Pretending we have certainty we don't have
Our stance:
- Data over panic. Make decisions based on clinical studies, not rumors.
- Humans evolve. We'll tell you when we change our minds. (We changed our minds on epidurals, formula, and pacifiers.)
- Duality is the point. Motherhood holds opposing needs simultaneously. Name it, normalize it, don't moralize it.
The Top 10 (If You Read Nothing Else)
- The Sleep Stack - The pause method changed everything
- Postpartum Survival System - Harder than birth, less discussed
- Hospital Bag (Spa Vibes) - Control what you can control
- Minimal Nursery List - The IKEA crib is great
- Snoo Decision Memo - Our take (we said no)
- Feeding Essentials - Formula stigma is not useful
- Nap Schedules by Age - Flexible 30 mins either side
- The Kindness Clause - The emotional truth
- Resources - Emily Oster, Dr. Becky, Big Little Feelings
- What I Changed My Mind About - Epidurals, formula, pacifiers