What this solves
This manual gives you a system for surviving the first 6-12 weeks postpartum. Not thriving - surviving. Thriving comes later. Right now, the goal is to get through it with your sanity, relationship, and baby intact.
The one investment I'd make again immediately
A postpartum doula
The single best decision we made
Erica Hunt, our postpartum doula, is worth her weight in solid gold. If you pay for anything, invest in a postpartum doula for your sanity, relationship with your partner, and to help guide you through the early days of parenthood.
What a postpartum doula does:
- Helps with newborn care so you can rest
- Guides you through breastfeeding challenges
- Cooks nutritious food (Erica does body work/massage too - amazing)
- Provides emotional support
- Gives you experienced guidance when everything feels overwhelming
We had Erica come 2x a week at 6hrs a day. I cannot underline the value of this investment enough.
On birth doulas
Honestly, our birth doula didn't even show up until I had already given birth, so I think they're a waste of money for hospital births. That said, many friends LOVED their birth doulas. For home births, they're essential. But the postpartum doula? Non-negotiable.
Your recovery stack (minimum viable)
1. Food you don't have to think about
You will not have the capacity to cook. Plan ahead.
- Frozen meals - Friends sent us frozen Portos that take 4min to bake. We lived off these.
- Meal services - Daily Harvest, Mama Meals, Chiyo
- Bone broth - In the mornings, especially if you're nauseous
2. Snacks everywhere
Your hunger can be unreal, especially if breastfeeding. Stock up on:
- Sesame sticks
- Nut mix
- Dried fruit
- Whatever you love to snack on
3. Vaginal birth recovery
Peri Bottle
You'll need this to spray instead of wipe for a few weeks. Keep one in each bathroom you use.
Tucks Medicated Cooling Pads
Spread these like deli meat onto your diaper. Hospital gives some - have more ready at home.
Witch Hazel Foam
Spray on top of your Tucks.
Sitz Bath Spray
Helps you heal.
4. Adult diapers
Always Discreet
Humiliating but dramatically better than pads. Our doula got us on this tip. Get mesh underwear to go over them.
5. Period underwear (for later)
Period Underwear
Until you're able to work on kegel exercises, you'll have a hard time making it to the toilet in time. These bridge the gap between diapers and normal underwear.
6. Magnesium bath
Magnesium Flakes
If you have a bathtub. Helps you heal and relax. Baby can join too (don't add scents if baby is joining - they're sensitive).
If you're pumping and working
The point is not glamour. The point is logistics.
Elvie Breast Pump
I tried Willow (heavy, bulky, loud - NOT recommended) and Spectra (fine, but cumbersome). Elvie is my #1 pick. Lightweight, not super loud, easy. I pumped while driving between meetings for 3 months with these.
Elvie Curve Manual Pump
Keep in your car for emergencies. Also use while breastfeeding on the other breast to capture milk. You never want to be caught without release when engorged.
The car kit mentality
- Yeti lunch box with ice pack
- Milk storage bags
- Extra pump parts
- Manual pump for emergencies
- Nursing pads
Breastfeeding support
Breastfeeding is HARD
Especially in the beginning. Every baby latches differently. Within the first week, if you're not feeling confident about your milk supply, don't wait to call in the experts.
Evone Smith at New North was amazing - recommended by our postpartum doula and Village Birth.
Kindred Bravely Nursing Bra
2-in-1: breastfeeding + pumping. Don't waste time changing bras. Wireless. Tried a bunch - this is my fave.
Bra Top Tanks
Easiest for breastfeeding. It's ALL about keeping it easy.
Common failure modes
- Not asking for help - This is not the time to be a hero. Accept help. Ask for help. Hire help if you can.
- Comparing to social media - Nobody posts the hard parts. Everyone is struggling. You are not failing.
- Trying to do too much too soon - Rest. Heal. Everything else can wait.
- Waiting too long to address breastfeeding issues - Call a lactation consultant early.
- Neglecting your relationship - Check in with your partner. You're both going through it.
The kindness clause
You are not failing because this is hard. It is hard. Be kind to yourself.
Your body just did something incredible. Your hormones are adjusting. You're learning a completely new job with no training while sleep-deprived. The bar for "enough" is lower than you think.
Remember
- Fed is enough.
- Alive is enough.
- Trying is enough.
When to get help
If you're experiencing any of the following, please reach out to your healthcare provider:
- Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
- Inability to sleep even when baby is sleeping
- Severe anxiety or panic attacks
- Feeling disconnected from your baby
- Feeling hopeless for extended periods
Postpartum Support International: 1-800-944-4773