Things I Changed My Mind About | Reid's Baby Breakdown

Before becoming a mother, I had opinions. Lots of them. Clear, confident, research-backed opinions about exactly how I would handle pregnancy, birth, and parenting.

Then reality happened.

This isn't a list of failures. It's a list of updates. Because if your identity depends on never changing your mind, parenting will humble you quickly. The takeaway isn't that I was wrong before - it's that new information deserves new conclusions.

On changing your mind

Changing your mind isn't weakness. It's learning. We update our opinions here. That's the whole point.

1. Epidurals

What I thought before:

"I want to experience natural childbirth. I want to be present for every sensation. I don't want drugs affecting my baby. I'm tough. I can handle it."

What actually happened:

I was induced. Pitocin contractions hit different. By hour 8, I was shaking uncontrollably, couldn't breathe through the pain, and couldn't focus on anything anyone was saying to me. I wasn't being tough. I was just suffering.

I got the epidural. Within 20 minutes, I was calm, present, cracking jokes with my husband, and actually able to participate in my own birth experience.

What I think now:

Get the epidural. Or don't. But don't let anyone (including yourself) make you feel like a hero or a failure either way. Pain is not a virtue. Neither is avoiding it. It's just a choice.

The data

Epidurals don't increase C-section rates (this is outdated thinking). Modern epidurals don't significantly affect baby. They do slightly increase the chance of assisted delivery (vacuum/forceps), but the difference is small.

2. Formula

What I thought before:

"Breast is best. I'll exclusively breastfeed. Formula is a last resort for people who can't breastfeed. I'll make it work."

What actually happened:

Breastfeeding was hard. Like, really hard. Cracked nipples, low supply anxiety, cluster feeding for hours, never knowing if baby was getting enough. And the mental load of being the only person who could feed our baby was crushing.

At our pediatrician's suggestion, we started giving one bottle of formula at the last feed of the day. Baby slept better. I slept better. My husband could take a feed. Everyone was happier.

What I think now:

The stigma around formula is not useful. Fed is best. Formula is a tool, not a failure. Use it strategically - last feed of the day, when you need a break, when supply is low, whenever.

The data

Per Emily Oster's analysis: The benefits of breastfeeding in developed countries are modest and mostly short-term. The difference in outcomes between breastfed and formula-fed babies is much smaller than the discourse suggests. What matters more is that parents are sane and babies are fed.

3. Pacifiers

What I thought before:

"Pacifiers cause nipple confusion. They'll mess up breastfeeding. They're a crutch. I don't want to have to wean off them later."

What actually happened:

Our baby needed to suck. A lot. More than feeding could satisfy. Without a pacifier, I was the pacifier - and I was losing my mind.

We introduced a pacifier at week 2 (after breastfeeding was established). No nipple confusion. Baby was calmer. I got my body back between feeds.

What I think now:

Pacifiers are great. They help babies self-soothe. They're associated with reduced SIDS risk (yes, really). And weaning off them later? Kids figure it out. It's not that dramatic.

What we did

Introduced pacifier at week 2 after breastfeeding was established. Used it for sleep and fussy periods. Started weaning around 12 months by limiting to sleep only. By 18 months, it was gone. No trauma.

4. Screen Time

What I thought before:

"No screens before age 2. The AAP says so. Screens are bad for development. We'll do puzzles and read books and engage meaningfully at all times."

What actually happened:

Sometimes I needed to take a shower. Sometimes I needed to cook dinner without a toddler grabbing the hot pan. Sometimes I needed 20 minutes of silence to not lose my entire mind.

Bluey became our friend. A good friend.

What I think now:

Moderate, intentional screen time is fine. The key words are "moderate" and "intentional." We choose what they watch (Bluey, not YouTube algorithm chaos). We limit duration. We don't use it as a first-line solution. But we do use it.

The data

The screen time research is more nuanced than the headlines suggest. Quality matters more than quantity. Co-viewing is better than solo viewing. And parental sanity is also a factor in child development. Stressed parents aren't better parents.

5. Bed-Sharing (Kind Of)

What I thought before:

"Never. Too dangerous. The AAP says no. Crib or bassinet only, always."

What actually happened:

I didn't bed-share intentionally. But there were nights - during cluster feeding, during sleep regressions, during illness - when I fell asleep with baby on my chest in bed.

It happened. I didn't plan it. I felt guilty about it. And I was too exhausted to stay awake.

What I think now:

I still think crib/bassinet is safest. But I also think we need to have honest conversations about accidental bed-sharing, because pretending it never happens doesn't make anyone safer. If you're going to fall asleep, it's safer to set up a safe sleep surface than to fall asleep on a couch with cushions everywhere.

Controversial

The AAP says no bed-sharing, and I'm not contradicting that. But if you're exhausted and might fall asleep, a firm mattress with tight sheets and no blankets/pillows near baby is safer than a couch. Look into "safe sleep seven" if this applies to you.

6. Letting Baby Cry

What I thought before:

"I would never let my baby cry it out. It damages attachment. It's cruel. I'll always respond immediately."

What actually happened:

I learned about the pause method from "Bringing Up Bebe." It's not cry-it-out. It's waiting a few seconds before responding to see if baby settles on their own. It teaches self-soothing from the start.

It felt impossible at first. But by 8 weeks, Forest was sleeping through the night.

What I think now:

There's a spectrum between "respond instantly to every sound" and "let them scream for hours." Most reasonable approaches live somewhere in the middle. The pause method worked for us. Gentle sleep training worked for friends. Find what works for your family.

The data

Multiple studies show that gentle sleep training methods do not cause long-term harm to attachment or development. Exhausted parents are not better parents. Sleep is important for everyone in the family.

7. Early Daycare

What I thought before:

"I don't want to put my baby in daycare before age 1. Too young. I want to be there for every moment. Daycare is for people who have no choice."

What actually happened:

I needed to work. And more than that, I needed to be something other than "mom" for a few hours a day. I was losing myself.

We started daycare at 4 months. It was hard. I cried the first week. And then I saw how much Forest loved it - the socialization, the stimulation, the other kids.

What I think now:

Good daycare is not harmful. It can actually be beneficial for socialization and development. The guilt around daycare is cultural, not evidence-based. Read "Cribsheet" by Emily Oster for the actual data.

What helped

Finding a daycare we trusted completely. Starting part-time before going full-time. Reminding myself that kids are resilient and separation is normal and healthy for both of us.

8. Asking for Help

What I thought before:

"I can do this myself. I don't want to burden anyone. I should be able to handle this. Other moms manage."

What actually happened:

I hit a wall around week 3. Not sleeping, struggling to breastfeed, hormones everywhere, crying for no reason. I was drowning and pretending I was fine.

Our postpartum doula saw right through it. She took the baby, told me to sleep, and reminded me that asking for help is not failure.

What I think now:

Hire the postpartum doula. Ask your mom to come. Accept the meal train. Say yes when someone offers to hold the baby so you can shower. This is not weakness. This is how humans are supposed to do it.

What I'd tell past me

You're not supposed to do this alone. The "village" isn't a nice-to-have, it's a biological necessity. Asking for help doesn't mean you're failing at motherhood. It means you're doing it right.

The Pattern

Looking at this list, I see a pattern: most of my pre-baby opinions were about being "natural" or "tough" or "good enough." They were about proving something.

Motherhood taught me that proving things is exhausting and beside the point. The goal is a healthy family - physically, mentally, emotionally. Whatever gets you there is the right choice.

Topic	Before	After
Epidural	Never	Highly recommend
Formula	Last resort	Strategic tool
Pacifiers	Worried	Lifesaver
Screen time	None before 2	Moderate, intentional use
Bed-sharing	Never	Understand why it happens
Letting baby cry	Cruel	Pause method works
Early daycare	Too young	Beneficial
Asking for help	Weakness	Essential

One More Thing

If you're pregnant or a new parent and you have strong opinions about how you'll do things - that's great. Hold those opinions. Just hold them loosely.

You might surprise yourself. And that's okay.

Changing your mind doesn't mean you were wrong. It means you learned something. That's kind of the whole point of being alive.

Not gospel

These are my opinion changes. Yours might be different. You might never change your mind about any of this, and that's fine too. The goal is to make decisions that work for your family, not to follow anyone else's journey.