This is what worked for us
Sleep training is controversial. This isn't advice - it's documentation. Our pediatrician approved our approach. Yours should approve yours. Every baby is different, and what worked for us might not work for you.
The Foundation: Sleep Environment
Before you do anything else, get the environment right. A good sleep environment does half the work for you.
- Darkness: Blackout curtains. Not "pretty dark" - actually dark. We used SlumberPod when traveling.
- Temperature: 68-72°F. Cooler is better than warmer. We kept it at 69°F year-round.
- White noise: Loud. Like, really loud. 50-60 decibels. We used the Hatch.
- Safe sleep space: Firm mattress, fitted sheet, nothing else. No bumpers, no blankets, no stuffed animals until after 12 months.
See Sleep Environment Setup for detailed specifications.
The Pause Method
This is from Bringing Up Bébé and it changed everything for us. The concept is simple: when baby makes noise at night, you pause before responding.
The pause is not ignoring your baby. It's giving them space to learn to self-soothe.
How we did the pause
When we heard her cry at night, we waited. Not long - just a minute or two. Often she'd settle herself back down. If the cry escalated or continued, we went in. The pause taught her that waking up doesn't automatically mean intervention. It taught us the difference between "I'm making noise" and "I need you."
Full breakdown: The Pause Method Deep Dive
Our Sleep Training Approach
We started at 4 months with pediatrician approval. We did a modified Ferber method:
- Night 1: Put her down awake but drowsy. Check-ins at 3, 5, 10 minutes if crying.
- Night 2: Check-ins at 5, 10, 15 minutes.
- Night 3: Check-ins at 10, 15, 20 minutes.
- Night 4: She figured it out. Went down without crying.
Check-ins were quick. We didn't pick her up, just reassured her we were there. The point wasn't to get her to stop crying - it was to teach her how to fall asleep independently.
Bedtime Routine
Same routine. Every night. No exceptions. Even when traveling.
Night Wakings
After sleep training, she still woke up sometimes. Here's how we handled it:
- Before midnight: Always the pause. Usually resettled herself.
- After midnight: Pause first. If she didn't settle, we fed her (until she was eating enough solids during the day).
- After 5:00 AM: This is morning. If she woke up, we started the day. No trying to force another sleep cycle.
Naps
Naps were harder than nights. Some things that helped:
- Same environment: Dark room, white noise, sleep sack.
- Wake windows: We followed age-appropriate wake windows religiously. See Nap Schedules by Age.
- Consistency: Same place, same routine, every nap.
- Contact naps when needed: If she was sick or having a rough day, we held her for naps. Survival mode is real.
Sleep Regressions
They're real. The 4-month regression almost broke us. The 8-month and 12-month ones were noticeable but manageable.
Surviving regressions
Don't abandon everything you've built. Keep the routine. Keep the environment. Keep the pause. It will pass. Usually takes 2-3 weeks. It feels like forever when you're in it, but it does end.
What Didn't Work for Us
Being honest about failures:
- Dream feeds: She never went back down well after them.
- Swaddle past 8 weeks: She wanted her hands free.
- Later bedtime: Trying to keep her up later just made her overtired. Earlier bedtime = better sleep.
- Rocking to sleep: Created a dependency we had to break later.
Key Principles
- Consistency is everything. The routine matters more than the specific details of the routine.
- Earlier bedtime than you think. Overtired babies don't sleep better - they sleep worse.
- Trust the pause. Give them a chance to figure it out before you intervene.
- Safe sleep is non-negotiable. Nothing in the crib. Back to sleep. Firm mattress.
- It's okay to have bad nights. Sleep training doesn't mean perfect sleep forever. It means your baby knows how to fall asleep independently.
The hard truth
Sleep training requires you to let your baby cry. I'm not going to sugarcoat that. It's hard. It feels wrong. But for us, three nights of crying led to months of better sleep for everyone. Better sleep meant I was a better mother during the day. That was worth it to us. You have to decide what's worth it to you.