What Changed With Baby #2
I thought we had it figured out. Then Cove arrived and none of our systems worked. Different baby, different rules.
The Moment
Day 3 with Cove. I'm trying all the things that worked with Forest. The swaddle he loved. The white noise. The same bassinet. The same routine.
Cove is screaming. Has been for an hour.
I look at my husband and say, "This is not the same baby."
He wasn't. Different temperament. Different needs. Different allergies we didn't discover until week 6. Everything we thought we knew about babies was based on a sample size of one - and it turned out that one was not representative.
The Conflict
Here's what I thought going into baby #2: We've done this before. We know what works. We have systems. This will be easier.
Here's what actually happened: Everything that worked for Forest failed with Cove.
- Swaddling: Forest loved it. Cove hated it - fought it constantly, slept worse when swaddled.
- Pacifiers: Forest took any pacifier. Cove rejected all of them, no matter the brand or shape.
- Sleep: Forest slept through the night by 8 weeks. Cove didn't sleep through until 6 months.
- Feeding: Forest had no issues. Cove had a dairy intolerance we didn't catch until week 6 - bloody diapers, constant gas, screaming after every feed.
- Temperament: Forest was calm. Cove was... not. More sensitive, more reactive, more easily overstimulated.
I felt like a first-time parent all over again. Except worse, because I thought I knew what I was doing and it turned out I didn't.
The humbling truth
All your parenting confidence is based on the specific child you have. Change the child, and suddenly you don't know anything. This is humbling and also slightly terrifying.
The Learning
By month 3 with Cove, we'd adjusted. Here's what we figured out:
What Worked for Forest But Not Cove
- Swaddles: Switched to arms-out sleep sacks (Nested Bean). Cove hated having arms restricted.
- Dairy: I eliminated dairy from my diet (breastfeeding). His symptoms cleared up in a week. Kept dairy-free until we weaned.
- Sleep training timeline: We tried the pause method at week 2 like we did with Forest. Cove wasn't ready. Waited until month 4 and it worked better.
- Stimulation: Forest loved activity. Cove got overstimulated easily - needed quieter environments, fewer toys, less chaos.
What Worked for Both
- White noise machine
- Blackout curtains
- Consistent bedtime routine
- Formula for the last feed (once we switched to hypoallergenic formula for Cove)
- Baby Bjorn bouncer
- Postpartum doula for the first month
What We Learned About "Systems"
Systems are helpful, but they're not one-size-fits-all. What worked for one baby is a starting point, not a guaranteed solution. You have to stay flexible and adjust based on the actual baby in front of you, not the baby you had before or the baby in the book.
What helped us adjust
Letting go of expectations faster. Recognizing within days that Cove was different. Not forcing systems that clearly weren't working. Being willing to try new things. Trusting that we'd figure it out even if it looked different this time.
The Updated Rule
Every baby is different. This is not just a platitude - it's a real, operational truth that will force you to adjust your systems.
What to expect with baby #2:
- You'll be more confident: You know how to change diapers, swaddle, recognize hunger cues. This part is easier.
- But your specific strategies might not work: Different temperament, different needs. Be ready to pivot.
- You'll adjust faster: With Forest, it took weeks to figure things out. With Cove, we adjusted within days because we knew to watch and respond instead of forcing what worked before.
- Common differences to watch for: Sleep needs, feeding sensitivities (dairy, soy allergies are common), temperament (calm vs. sensitive), sensory preferences (loves vs. hates swaddling, pacifiers, etc.)
The meta-lesson: Flexibility matters more than systems. The system is "pay attention to your baby and adjust." Everything else is tactics.
What I'd tell past me
Don't assume Cove will be like Forest. Don't force the swaddle when he clearly hates it. Test for dairy intolerance earlier (week 2, not week 6). Trust that you'll figure it out even if the path is different. And lower your expectations - you're not "bad at this" because your second baby is harder. You just have a different baby. Adjust and move on.
What Stayed the Same
The meta-strategies that mattered: consistent routines (even if the details changed), prioritizing sleep (even if the timeline was different), asking for help early (postpartum doula, lactation consultant, pediatrician), staying flexible, trusting our instincts.
The specifics changed. The principles didn't.
Not prescriptive
This is our experience with two different babies. Your second baby might be easier, harder, or exactly the same as your first. Every combination is possible. The point is to stay flexible, not to expect a specific outcome.