Breastfeeding Is Actually Hard
Everyone makes it look effortless and natural. Nobody tells you about the blood and tears - literal blood, literal tears.
The Moment
Day 6 postpartum. I'm sitting in the nursery at 4am, watching blood seep through my nursing pad. My nipples are cracked and bleeding. Every latch feels like broken glass. I'm crying. Forest is crying. My husband finds us both sobbing.
"Is this normal?" I ask the lactation consultant on the phone the next morning.
She says, "It shouldn't hurt this much. Let's get you in today."
Turns out Forest had a tongue tie. We'd been doing it wrong for a week. Nobody caught it at the hospital.
The Conflict
Here's what you see: mothers breastfeeding easily in coffee shops, at parks, in Instagram photos. Natural. Peaceful. Bonding.
Here's what you don't see: the first two weeks of learning how to do it. The cracked nipples. The engorgement. The cluster feeding where baby nurses for 3 hours straight and you can't put them down. The anxiety about whether they're getting enough. The mental load of being the only person who can feed your child.
I thought breastfeeding would be instinctive. It's called "natural" for a reason, right?
Wrong. Breastfeeding is a learned skill. For you and for baby. And like any skill, it takes practice, patience, and often professional help.
What the data says
About 60% of mothers don't breastfeed as long as they intend to. Common reasons: pain, low milk supply (real or perceived), difficulty with latch, lack of support. The WHO recommends exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months, but only about 25% of US mothers actually do it. The gap between expectation and reality is massive.
The Learning
After the tongue tie was revised and we worked with a lactation consultant for two weeks, breastfeeding got easier. Not easy - easier.
Here's what I learned:
Get Help Early
Don't wait until you're in crisis. If it hurts, if baby isn't gaining weight, if you're anxious about supply - call a lactation consultant immediately. Not in a week. Not when it gets unbearable. Now.
We used one covered by insurance through the hospital, then paid out of pocket for an IBCLC to come to our house. Worth every cent.
Tongue Ties Are More Common Than You Think
And they're often missed. If breastfeeding is painful, if baby is clicking while nursing, if they're not gaining weight well - ask about tongue and lip ties. Get a second opinion if needed.
Supply Anxiety Is Real
You can't see how much baby is getting. This drives people insane. Track wet diapers (6+ per day by day 6). Track weight gain. Trust the data, not your anxiety.
And if you want to do one bottle a day just to know exactly how much baby is eating? Do it. Your sanity matters.
Pumping Is Its Own Skill
Pump output doesn't equal milk supply. You can have plenty of milk and still only get 2 oz when you pump. Babies are more efficient than pumps. Don't let pump output make you spiral.
Formula Is Always An Option
Supplementing doesn't mean you failed. Combo feeding is valid. Exclusive formula is valid. Fed is actually best.
What helped us
IBCLC visits (3 of them). Silverette cups for healing cracked nipples. Pumping once a day to build a freezer stash and let my husband give one bottle. Formula for the last feed of the day when my supply was lowest. Lowering expectations - it didn't have to be perfect, it just had to work well enough.
The Updated Rule
Breastfeeding is hard. If you decide to do it, line up support before baby arrives.
Before birth:
- Find an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) - get a referral, check if insurance covers it
- Know the signs of tongue/lip ties
- Have formula in the house just in case (you don't have to use it, but having it removes panic at 2am)
- Set expectations: the first 2 weeks are the hardest, it usually gets easier after that
After birth:
- If it hurts beyond initial tenderness, something is wrong - get help
- Track diapers and weight, not your anxiety
- Don't suffer through pain because you think you're supposed to
- Know when to pivot - breastfeeding doesn't work for everyone, and that's okay
What I'd tell past me
Call the lactation consultant on day 3, not day 7. The tongue tie was always there - you just didn't know to look for it. Pain is not normal. And if breastfeeding doesn't work out, you're not a failure. You're a mother feeding her baby. That's the whole point.
Not medical advice
I'm not a lactation consultant. If you're struggling with breastfeeding, talk to an IBCLC. If you're experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety related to feeding, talk to your doctor. Help is available.